Little spoons don't ask big questions
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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