...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
