It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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