they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
