he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
