So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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