i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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