Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
