Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
