forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
