When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
