I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
