he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
