literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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