dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
