In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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