More tranny stories later!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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