I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drunk is not a location!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
