guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
