doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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