She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
