Will you blow on my dice?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
