I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
