@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
