then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
