just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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