Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't deserve a penis
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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