I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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