somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And then my night got REAL pukey
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