so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
