yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
