Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
