Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
