I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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