Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
