I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
