And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
