so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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