Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
