Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
as a side note pls kill me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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