bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
