I love black thongs
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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