dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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