I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
