She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
