Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
