Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
a search helicopter?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
