is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
