Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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