I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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