Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
