my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
