Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
