I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
