blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
