That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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