$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
